BIZARRE DAY (in the wake of the evilness inside)

PROLOGUE

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open

And I don’t feel like I am strong
enough

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m
lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re
gone away

THE STORY

This day was very stressful I realized that my brains didn’t stop working, thinking, panicking at the same time the whole day. For the information of other human beings out there, this is the last week before our finals – or should I say, our last day. Meaning, we have to submit certain requirements for each subject/course which, Lord forbid, were extremely grueling!!!

I had three straight quizzes – Math053, Psychology and Discrete Math. I had to submit the portfolio for math, together with the problem sets and the assignments. My printer had gone mad the other night so I was force to print my “autobiography” in Psychology outside – additional expense and extra hassle!!! Grabe! Nasayang yung pera ko sa pagttype, hindi rin naman ma-pprint! Sh*t! …

STOP! STOP! STOP!

======================================================

Let’s change the topic to a much brighter countenance.

I was falling in line to get a ride home. Maikli lang sana yung pila kaso, tumatagal kasi kailangan sa iisang phase lang lahat ng sasakay. Nung makasakay na ako, kasabay ko yung kapit bahay naming nag-aaral sa UP, kalaro ko dati pero 5 years ata ang tanda saken. . Ngayon, hindi na kami nagpapansinan. Tapos, mei 3 bakla pang sumakay – as in “gays”.

Two of them took the back ride, the last one sat beside me. I didn’t care at first because my mind was set to something else, but it didn’t stop me from noticing their peculiar personalities. They were smoking cigarettes and making fun of all the things that catches their attention.

Ang image nila parang mga “rebel people”, at dahil bakla sila, may mga kilos sila na sometimes nakakaasar para sa iba. Isa na yung pagrereact o pagpansin sa mga bagay na hindi naman dapat pansinin.

The one sitting beside me was singing(?) on the top of (his/her) voice. Pero, wala siya sa tono! I didn’t even saw a single correct note! I’m not boasting or what, and I know I’m not also good at singing, but if you heard the way (he/she) sang, men! You wouldn’t stop laughing! . However, I guess (he/she) also knew how bad (his/her) singing was, but was too indifferent and shameless to prevent (his/her) from doing what (he/she) wanted to do.

The exciting part starts here:

Nasa pinakaloob ako ng tricycle at nakahawak ako sa handle na banda sa mei back ride. Nung sumandal yung isang bakla sa likuran… naipit yung kamay ko!!! Tinitigan ko lang… Talagang nakatitig lang ako… Hindi ko alam, nakatingin pala yung katabi kong bakla. Syempre, pinagtawanan ako. Tinakpan pa niya ang bibig niya at tumingin sa ibang direction.

Tinanggal ko na yung pagkakaipit ng kamay ko At hinayaan ko na lang yung bakla na tumawa at kumanta ulit. Wala akong pake… Hindi ko siya pinansin. Kala niyo, mabait ako, noh! Hindi, may iba akong reason kung bakit hindi ako napikon:

“Ang nasa isip ko nung mga panahong iyon: kung mapipikon ako, mananalo yung bakla kahit hindi evident. Lalo akong mababaon. It will be a Catch-22. At isa pa, magmumukha akong immature at uneducated.”

Ang masama, sabi ko sa sarili ko: “Hmp, bakit ko siya papatulan? Sino ba siya? Ayaw kong sayangin ang oras ko sa mga taong katulad niya… Hindi ko siya ka-level. At hindi ako pumapatol sa mga mababang uri ng taong katulad nila…”

Diba, ang sama ko! Ang sama-sama ko talaga!

The evil inside me is slowly awakening. I have to do something to stop it…

FINAL JUDGEMENT

(Wake me up)Wake me up
inside

(I can’t wake up)Wake me up
inside

(Save me)call my name and
save me from the dark

(Wake me up)bid my blood to
run

(I can’t wake up)before I
come undone

(Save me)save me from the
nothing I’ve become